Also affectionately known by my husband as 'butt burners'.
(I'll just let you figure that out on your own because there are some things that are simply too tacky to speak about in mixed company.)
I have tried making jalapeno poppers several different ways and this version is decidedly my fave.
But I must warn you...
although these are simple to make, there are numerous side effects which may include:
-a moderate to severe level of unbelievably torturous burning sensations on your eyeballs, skin, mucous membranes, and possibly even your internal organs depending on what you may have touched after cleaning the jalapenos,
-extreme choking which may or may not result in vomiting on your kitchen rug, sink or a passing dog or child,
-massive mucous production and expulsion due to gut wrenching repeated sneezing,
-watery eyes for which I suggest running a hose from your face to a kiddie pool in your backyard so that your kids can at least have some fun symbolically swimming in a pool of your tears while you make dinner
-bladder leakage (for those of you who have had multiple children and did not empty your bladder prior to cleaning the jalapenos and the aforementioned sneezing and vomiting became an issue)
-college level drunkenness if you are using Chardonnay to help diminish the extreme choking from inhaling the nuclear jalapeno essence or to cool the blisters that have formed on your lips because you stopped to put on Chapstick and didn't realize that all you did was smear jalapeno juice all over your lips
(after the first 2 glasses, though, you'll be too drunk to notice it anyway!)
You should also play Alicia Keys' song, Girl On Fire, while you make these for real cinematic effect.
Here's the recipe...
Ingredients:
12-15 LARGE jalapeno peppers, tops cut off, sliced in half, and completely seeded
8 oz package of cream cheese
1 pound (package) of bacon
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese
Directions:
Preheat your oven to 375 degrees.
In a medium bowl mix the 3 cheeses together.
Using a knife or spreader fill each jalapeno half with the cheese mixture.
Cut slab of bacon strips in half down the middle.
Wrap each cheese-filled jalapeno half with a half slice of bacon then lay on parchment lined baking sheet.
When all jalapaeno halves are wrapped in bacon like spicy little green devil babies, put your pan in the oven and bake those suckers for about 40 minutes.
Then turn your oven to broil and broil them for about 3 minutes until the bacon is crispy and the cheese is all bubbly and toasty.
If you can stand it, it's best to let them cool a little before eating.
If not, grab more Chardonnay and get after it!
